He looks around, around
He sees angels in the architecture
Spinning in infinity
He says Amen! and Hallelujah! ~ Paul Simon, Call Me Al, from the Graceland Album
It’s Sunday.
I woke up to my 10-yr old dog bouncing around on the bed – trying to get my attention to let me know that the sun had in fact risen and that it was time to start the day.
In dog years, she’s 70. In human years, I’m 38. At the moment, she has more energy, more lust for life, and more will to face the day, than I can seem to muster. 70 to my 38…wow, so this is where we are.
I threw off my blankets and unwillingly sat up in bed, brushing my mess of long, tangled hair from my face and shoving it behind my ears. Stay. My hair – not the dog.
I threw on a sweater that I found lying atop a pile of stuff I need to find places for in this foreign land, made my way to the bathroom, and then to the kitchen. Thyroid medicine – check.
I turned on the espresso machine, pulled a mug from the cupboard, and ran it under hot water to warm it. My mind drifts to a few weeks ago when he was still bringing my coffee to me in the morning and waking me from my dreams. These were the happiest moments if my last year. Awaking to the nuzzle of his fuzzy face- running my fingers through his hair with my eyes still half closed…my heart ready to burst from my chest at any moment. Stop. We’re not doing that today.
Coffee is ready. I walk to the sliding-glass door, pull it open just enough, light a cigarette and read a daily meditation passage. From where do you derive hope? My first thought is, fuck if I know…and then I stop myself.
I wasn’t always like this.
I walk my dog quickly – it’s 6° – I tell her, “Quick potty! It’s cold out here!”, and to my surprise, she has the same feelings about it. We make our way back inside and close the door behind us – leaving the cold for the neighbor lady and her dog to deal with. We’re warming.
I get her breakfast and sit down at my dining room table. I journal every morning about the passage I’ve read. This morning, I thought of an example of when I once needed hope and by some miracle, found it. I documented the occasion and moved on to my next book for the morning – daily prayers to remind me of the things I forget. The book’s subtitle is literally, What to Pray When You Don’t Know What to Say. Most days, it nails my life at that moment. Is this by chance or is something greater at work? If I’m being honest…I don’t really know. I know that often, things in my life can seem a little (or a lot) coincidental…that, I don’t question. This morning I read that I’m worthy of love. Okay. I can accept that.
I follow that reading with a morning meditation that I listen to courtesy of the Internets. I set my intentions for the day, say some affirmations, ask my higher power to show me what I need to see today (and to make it obvious-because I suck at reading between the lines), and close in gratitude. On with my day.
I pull on some jeans, a top, and a blazer and make my way to church.
Yes, church.
If you had told me a year ago that I’d be going to church every week, I would have sarcastically chuckled and explained that I don’t do that. I don’t like fake people and I’m not great with hypocrisy. But right about that time, a friend asked me to go with her to help with her kids because her wife was out of town and she didn’t know if she could manage them on her own.
That-was an untruth.
But I’ve always been willing to help others…and I love her kids…so, I went. I’ve been going ever since. The messages, much like my morning readings, always seem to be coincidentally aligned with my life at that time. I’ll keep going until that changes.
The message today was, “Believe”, which has significance to me (more on that later). The other part of the message was, “Love Always Wins”. I mentally processed that. No, it doesn’t (said in a whiney, child-like voice in my head)! Sometimes, love loses! Sometimes love is why someone else loses respect for you because they think that you’d have to be weak or crazy to love them! Sometimes…love loses. Sometimes love was just a lie that someone told you for an entire relationship. Stop. We’re not going there today.
I grab coffee at the church cafe and head to the pet store to pick up some things for my dog. At the register, the lady scans my things and announces that the total is $10.10. She makes a comment about how that might be a lucky pick. I responded to her that I was born at 10:10 a.m. and she looked at me in surprise. For the last year, it seems that every time I look at the clock, it’s 10:10. This – to my recollection – was the first time it came up as a total in purchases. It struck me…like I was meant to pay attention to something at that point in time…or something. I believe in signs. I believe in something greater. I made a mental note to look it up when I got home.
I left the parking lot of the pet store and got out onto the main road. As I started down the road, these two pigeons flew out in front of me, one landing in the middle of my lane with zero intention of moving. I swerved to the right to avoid hitting him and the second one flew right at windshield height, somewhat erratically. I swerved back to the left lane and narrowly dodged him. Whoa. That too was weird. For a little while now, I’ve perceived the actions of various types of birds as signs too. Something is trying to get my attention. What’s going on? This is weird. I’ll look that up too.
I stop by the international grocery store to pick up a few things and then head back home.
It’s New Year’s Eve. I’m alone. I’m going to be alone for the rest of the night. How is this even remotely possible?! Last year on New Year’s, I took a photo with my boyfriend…I posted it to all of the social medias…and we headed off to a small party at the home of one of his friends. That was our first photo together as a couple. People didn’t recognize me in the picture because I was strikingly beautiful. I read a fortune when I was a kid that said, “You become more beautiful when you’re in love.” It was true. It had always been true. I’ve always been a pretty optimistic, happy person…but last New Year’s Eve…that photo…I was glowing. I may have been the happiest girl in the universe. I loved that man. Stop. We’re not doing this today.
The rest of my day/evening…is something of a blur. I searched the Googles for my signs that day and came up with the following:
Angel Number 1010 indicates that it is a time of personal development, spiritual awakening and enlightenment. Keep your thoughts, focus and intentions on your soul mission and life purpose, and your elevated vibrations will attract abundance and positive energies into your life. Useaffirmations and maintain a positive attitude to draw towards you all that you need along your path. Trust your inner-wisdom, intuition and the guidance from the angels and take positive action in the direction of your dreams and desires.
Angel Number 1010 encourages you to keep your beliefs, thoughts and mind-set focused upon your spirituality and your life purpose as you are now creating your own reality. Engage yourself in creative and positive endeavours and activities and use your personal skills and talents in a productive manner. Listen to the guidance from the angels and your intuition and serve your soul mission with passion and enthusiasm.
Source: Spiritual Meaning of 1010
Applicable? Yes. In fact I wear a bracelet that I bought in a small town in Ohio that says, “Life is about creating yourself.” Also, I’ve been on this particular path for about two years now – a spiritual path to creating myself. I suppose I should continue on this journey.
So what about the pigeons? Well, this is what I found:
Seeing Pigeons in your waking life (taking a Divine notice toward them) Visions, Flashes, Dreams or Photos/Paintings is symbolic & a Sign that you will receive a message from those who have a Divine Eye or ear towards the future. You may visit a messenger of some kind or you may be the messenger for someone or Humanity.
You are asked to hold no judgement & to do what what you were sent to do. Deliver. Don’t question it. Do not force your way, as this message will happen naturally. It will be received. Hold no fear or doubt as this is exactly what you were meant to speak. It may also be for yourself also(two birds with one stone) which is why you are being asked to not judge. Even though you should not judge to begin with.
It is of Divine importance that you make way to receive & way to give. The blessings are coming, that is for sure.
Pigeons are symbolic that soon a prophetic word will enter your life what you do following it is up to you. You can do as you wish but that is up to you. Pigeons are signs of Divinity at work or Divine working together in the Universe on your behalf.
Always cherish your blessings they are subject to change, nothing ever remains the same. At some point it has decided to move along. You are asked to do the same & know that as one chapter closes another is beginning. Changes are not abrupt neither or you guided to throw all of your progress away to make a change. Change is change not obstruction/destruction. Change only asks that you see differently. Through New Eyes. Your life gets better, once you have climbed you can only fail at that level not start it all again even though it seems like it.
Pigeons are also symbolic for movement geographically speaking. So know that this change may not necessarily note that you will make some personal changes but of awareness/location/ways of doing things. Get rid of obsolete beliefs about anything. You’re moving up & cannot be served what is no longer progressing with you. Pigeons are symbolic for revolution & evolution.
It is time to go upward, forward & into what is in front of you.
Source: Pigeon Symbolic Meaning
So…maybe this means I’m going in the right direction. I recently moved into this apartment (geographic) and change is coming in tidal waves these days. I love him…but maybe it really was time to move on, though I don’t really want to right now. Anyway….
As it turns out, I happened upon a blog later on, written by a man who had cheated on his wife. Was that what I needed to read? Was that the unexpected message? That maybe, even when both of you are trying like hell, a relationship will never be the same after an affair? Ugh. Maybe.
I wanted a glass of wine…but still can’t stand the smell of alcohol. I’d smelled enough of it this year. That idea was gone.
Maybe just bed. Quick post to the social medias…don’t text me or call me at midnight and definitely don’t drunk dial me. I’m going to bed. Happy Freakin’ New Year.
I took the “featured image” at the top of this page in April 2017 at the Wormsloe Plantation, just outside of Savannah, GA
A Power Greater 